


Fever Dreams

by burningcas



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, shingeki no kyojin (attack on titan)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Character Death, Heavy Angst, I Made Myself Cry, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, One Shot, Self-Hatred, The Author Regrets Everything, ereri, everything has gone to shit, i hate myself for writing this, put me out of my misery already pls and thx, riren - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-26
Updated: 2016-05-26
Packaged: 2018-07-10 10:42:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6981091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/burningcas/pseuds/burningcas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Go to sleep, Bright Eyes."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fever Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> oops

The last sensation Eren felt was heat. Flowing, constant heat. It snaked up his back and wrapped around his head. He could feel his heartbeat thud slowly in his temples, consciousness slipping away from him with every dull hit.

He could hear yelling, it was faint and indecipherable, but he could hear the distinct noise of panicked voices. They came closer in their frenzy, the sounds muffled. Eren couldn’t figure out what they were so excited about. There was nothing but calm around him. The warm cocooned around him like a shell, letting him safely drift in his half-conscious state.

                 It was then that the comfortable heat on his back turned into searing white-hot pain. It jolted him for the moment that it lasted, until there was nothing and Eren finally passed out.

 

 

                One of the first things Eren had noticed once he had begun to wake up was the absence of the heat. Instead, in its place was the fabric of a pillow and sheets, and a heavy quilt laid over him. He could see light from behind his eye lids letting him know it was currently daytime. He slid open his eyes a peek, but quickly shut them again as they were assaulted by the light. Opening them more slowly this time, his vision blurred before fully focusing.

                He was back at the Survey Corps headquarters, in the private infirmary. A window to his right was the source of the light as it filtered in the setting sun’s rays. But in front of the window, sitting at Eren bedside, was the dark figure of a hunched over person. Their features were darkened by the contrast of their shadows and the light behind them. They sat on a small, wooden chair that had been pulled up right next to Eren’s bed. Their eyes were closed and their head was down. The thing that Eren had first noticed, however, was that his hand was enclosed in both of the other’s, their grip tight and sturdy on his limp hand, as if they were holding onto him so he didn’t drift away.

                Eren’s eyes began to become accustomed to the light, making it easy to the person’s features now. His eyes narrowed in confusion from what he saw.

                “Captain?” Eren rasped. That was when Levi then looked up. His eyes looked sad, Eren thought. Levi picked up Eren’s hand a bit from the bed, laying it in only one of his own. He let it rest there for a long moment while he ran his thumb across Eren’s bruised knuckles. The Captain’s calloused fingers traces over the scarred bite marks that marred Eren’s hand. He used his free hand to push strands of Eren’s hair from his face. His touch was gentle, he seemed to barely even touch Eren. Eren’s eyes closed from the familiarity of Levi’s presence. Levi slowly moved his hand down Eren’s face to rub small lines into his cheekbone.

The brunet was almost lulled back to sleep from the Captain’s uncharacteristic gentleness. Very few had ever witnessed Levi’s softer side, and Eren prided himself in the fact that he was one of those few. It was something that he would tease Levi with frequently. Right now was different, somehow. Every time Levi had interacted with Eren in this way, it felt stable, in a way that separated them from the blood-stained reality that lay just beyond the walls. But now, it had a sense of finality to it. Almost like a goodbye.

Levi stood from his chair, causing Eren to open his eyes once more. He followed Levi with his gaze as he stood up right. The Captain stood there a moment longer, eyes mapping every inch of the half-lucid brunet’s face until they locked onto the sleepy cerulean blues of his eyes. The same eyes that saw him as a hero when he himself saw the opposite. The same eyes that burned with the fire of determination that could leave even Levi in awe.

 Then, he leaned down and placed a single, gentle kiss to Eren’s forehead, and slowly disconnected, afterwards bring Eren’s hand up to his face. He placed another small kiss to Eren’s knuckle, his eyes closed.

“Go to sleep, Bright Eyes,” Levi said, his voice no more than a whisper. Eren grinned at the nickname that Levi had given him and did what was told of him. The last thing he saw was Levi giving him a somber, tender smile back.

 

 

Eren woke with a groan. His head was killing him and he felt drenched with sweat. The light outside was gone, replaced with stars.

“Mornin’ sleepy head,” a tired voice from beside him greeted, “Or should I say good evening?” Eren opened his eyes and looked to his left were the voice was coming from. Hanji stood there, her hands on her hips. “How ya feeling?”

“Gross,” Eren croaked. That earned a chuckle from Hanji.

“I believe it. You’re just coming back down from a pretty bad fever, even for your high body temperatures.” Hanji filled up a glass of water which Eren gratefully took from her. His throat felt like cotton and the water was very much needed. He greedily tossed the water back and Hanji took the empty glass from him.

Now that his mind was no longer plagued by sickness, he sat up fully, the quilt falling down around his waist. He rubbed his scratchy eyes, looking around the room. His eyes landed on the empty chair by his bed.

“Where’s Levi?” Eren asked, looking from the chair to Hanji. Her face seemed to freeze and he could see her swallow forcefully. Hanji blinked and had to look away from Eren’s innocent question. The scientist seemed unnaturally quiet, making Eren worry slightly.

“Hanji, where’s Levi?” Eren asked with quiet urgency, “He went on the expedition, right? Where is he?” Hanji’s face was blank as she looked back to wide-eyed brunet. Her voice had no tone as she said the phrase that would bring Eren’s world to a screeching halt.

“He didn’t make it, Eren.”

It took him a few moments for that to hit. He stared back at Hanji’s empty eyes before he began to shake his head. He blinked rapidly as he felt his heart rate speed up and pound out of his ribs.

“No, no, no, that-that’s not possible, Levi can’t die,” Eren’s words came out in a jumbled mess, progressively becoming more and more hysterical. His eyes began to blur with tears that wouldn’t fall and he threw his head into his hands. The same hands that Levi had held just hours before.

Hanji sat on the edge of Eren’s bed and began to rub a soothing hand over his back. Seeing Eren act this way was close to making Hanji lose it as well. She had just lost one of her best friends.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the chair. It sat undisturbed where it had been when Levi was sitting in it. Dust had gathered onto the seat of it. His eyes locked onto the piece of furniture as his breaths wracked through his body.

“He was right there.” Eren’s voice wasn’t audible to Hanji, but he wasn’t talking to her in the first place. He just had to validate for himself that the Captain, that _Levi_ , sat there. He looked at him, he saw him. He _felt_ him.

“What?” Hanji asked quietly.

“He was right there.” Eren pointed to the chair, his eyes never leaving it. He could hear Hanji sigh forcefully and she drew him in so that she held him. She could feel Eren shaking as he tried to unsuccessfully put together the pieces.

“No, Eren, he never came back from outside the walls,” her voice was small and cracked at the end. It killed her to have to relay the news.

“But I _saw_ him, he was sitting _right there_ ,” he exclaimed shakily as he pulled from her grasp to point at the chair. Hanji just looked at the back of his head, her eyes burning with tears that she wouldn’t allow to fall.

“It was probably your fever, Eren,” she said. He looked back at her.

“What do you mean?” He sniffled.

“It’s not uncommon for high fever such as yours to cause hallucinations.”

Eren looked at her wide-eyed. His cheeks were tear streaked and his mind was still fuzzy from recently recovering from his fever. He looked away, his gaze distant. A couple tears escaped from his eyes.

_Bright Eyes._

He started shaking his head again, his eyes clenched shut and more tremors rattled him.

“I don’t believe you,” he looked up at her, “This is just some trick, isn’t it? Huh, is he in on it?” a breathy chuckle left Eren. Hanji didn’t respond, instead she just looked straight at Eren, her eyes glassy. She said nothing while Eren let out noises that were supposed to be words. He clutched at the front of his hair, attention still at the chair.

It didn’t take long before Eren fell into silence. There was nothing else left to say. His mind had gone blank, blank from explanation or reason. It was numbing in a way. He held his hand in his other, fingers lightly tracing over where Levi had. He didn’t even notice that Hanji had continued rubbing his back with a light touch.

Hanji composed herself, not allowing herself to break down. Not in front of Eren, at least. With a barely there voice she said, “If you need anything just let me know,” and she got up from the bed and left the room. She didn’t feel okay leaving Eren alone right now, not knowing what he would do, but she knew he needed space to gather his thoughts.

 She knew the relationship between the two was not what they had let on. But it didn’t take a genius like her to see the way the Captain would watch Eren when he thought no one was looking. To see the way they would brush the back of their hands together as if they were talking to each other in a language only they knew. To hear the whispered “Good-night, Levi”s and “Good-night, Eren”s down in the dungeon when the candles had since long been blown out. It didn’t take a genius to see the way that Levi had fallen completely and irrevocably in love with Eren Yeager. And it didn’t take a genius to see that the boy had as well.

And it broke her goddamn heart.

 

 

Eren didn’t know how long he sat there, but the stars had changed positions when he looked at them. He didn’t cry since Hanji had left. He didn’t move since Hanji had left. And neither did that godforsaken chair. It sat there, collecting dust and silently mocking him.

He started to feel his hands tremble and hot tears cloud up his vision. His chest constricted and his head started to pound. Faster than he himself could keep up with, Eren got to his feet, grabbed the chair and flung it at the wall with all the strength he could muster. He could hear the wood crack as it hit stone.

Everything after that was a blur. He could feel his knuckles break when he sent them flying towards the wall, specks of blood adorning the stones from the torn up flesh on his hand. He couldn’t hear anything other than the blood pumping through his ears. He couldn’t hear the shattering of glass and splintering of wood as he tore through the small room, demolishing any unfortunate object that got in the way of his fury. He didn’t stop until there was nothing left to destroy but himself.

Only when he sat down on the ground, leaning against the wall did he realize he was crying. Sobs punched their way out of him and, no matter what he did, he couldn’t stop the tears. His hands were wrecked; his fingers were bent an odd way and streams of blood ran down his fingers and arms. Eren couldn’t care less, it would heal.

After the rage had passed, Eren felt shame. He was ashamed at himself for what he just did, but he also felt ashamed at the fact that _he_ was probably the reason that Levi was-

No. Eren wouldn’t, _couldn’t_ , think of that word being used to describe the Captain.

But it was true. Eren was the reason that he was _dead,_ all because Eren couldn’t control himself, that he was a helpless failure. Levi had probably died getting Eren to safety, just as he had countless times before.

Eren had killed Levi and he would never forgive himself for it.

 

 

The next night was when they held the ceremony. Everyone in the Scouting Legion showed up, and even some of the Garrison members did as well. There weren’t any remains to burn, so they instead wrapped up a Scouting Legion flag and placed Levi’s swords on the bundle. Erwin said some words, his steely expression never showing how much he was truly affected. Hanji was also quiet.

Eren stood in the front row, Armin and Mikasa on either side of him. They exchanged worried glances at each other when Eren showed no emotion. It scared the both of them.

When they lit the bonfire, Eren watched the flames consume the items with empty, dull eyes. The ceremony finished quickly. It wasn’t glorious or extraordinary, just another burning for another unfortunate soul who lost their life to a useless cause.

As the flames started to die down, and the flag was nothing but ash, people had begun to leave. Eren had been the first.

 

 

 

It was the next morning when anyone found him. The blood-curdling scream that Hanji had released when she saw his blood covered corpse gave everyone within a 200 yard radius goosebumps.

Eren sat in a puddle of his own dried blood. He was leaning against the wall of the basement and held a bloodied carving knife in his stiff, cold hand, the back of his neck sliced to bits.

Hanji wasn’t sure if it was a trick of the light or not, but she was almost positive that she saw a small smile on his pale face.

The light in his bright eyes exstinguished.

**Author's Note:**

> yikes


End file.
